Alone You Must Heal
Updated: Nov 2, 2020
*This blog post contains content of abuse, strong language and independence.
Alone, such a lonely word, no one should be alone... or should you? Alone is where I healed.
I blamed the majority of my life difficulties on people. If my dad had never cheated on my mom, If my mom had never married my step dad, if my step dad hadn't been such a twisted drunk MF, If I hadn't been abused, If I wasn't bullied in school, If...If...
Yes, all of these seemingly insurmountable circumstances affected my life, and I spent a large amount of time focusing my mental attention on the pain, blaming the past for why I struggled day in and day out to feel good, to accomplish goals, and to connect with other people. I couldn't own my choices today, because someone else caused me to BE like this.
Until, I woke up one day and wanted more from myself. I asked myself the question "how can I feel better?" I knew about the common everyday "eat healthy, get exercise" I knew I could DO more of those things, yet I wanted to know "how can I GET BETTER?" and that is when I began a self discovery, a journey to help myself work through my past and begin living the best life available to me. I started with the hard stuff first, accepting my past and everything in it, accepting the pain I received at no fault of my own, and accepting the pain I caused myself by not letting it go. Knowing that no amount of recurring thought could change the past. Believing that I am who I am now because of every moment I have lived. Owning my whole life, removing the blame, loving my present self, and choosing to live the day right now in front of me, whole and with intention. This I did all alone.
I am not alone, yet no other person could have made those choices for me, no one could have processed through the mental work I needed to do, no person could have given me the healing from the past memories, or could have told me what I now know that I am. I had to do it alone. I began to seek the connections I needed in life to help me stay safe and healthy, and found resources available to better myself. I NOW wake up and genuinely feel good, and when I have a bad day I am gentle with myself, I remind myself of who I am, I do the small things in front of me and I surround myself with good people who care about me. I wanted this for myself and worked hard to have it.
Thank you for reading, this story is inspired by a person who intrinsically wanted to heal from living. May anyone in need of healing find the self motivation to do the work necessary, it is worth it.
*Please know that you're not alone, if you need help reach out to a professional.
*Disclaimer - This blog is not intended to be a replacement for medical or mental health treatment.